Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
