i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
