If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
