Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
