A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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