You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
