so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
