I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
