and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
