If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
