Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
