dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
