Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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