My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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