Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
