Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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