Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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