jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
