i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
