Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
