I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
