Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
