Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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