Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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