are you so shy because you have an std?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
