I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize