Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
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I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
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I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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