You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
