I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
