I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
