He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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