puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize