According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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