i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
