Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
