i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You may now shotgun with the bride
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
