i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
