Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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