oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
