how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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