I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
