I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
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