my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
