12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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