I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
