hell yes lets make some ravioli
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
