you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
