Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
worst night to have a conscience
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
