After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
