I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
The power of my boobs compel you
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
