Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
