All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
