I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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