I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
