I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
