I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Everyone says I win the strip club
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
