She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
