you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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