I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Randomize
