I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
We're too hungover to prance.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
