I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
