break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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