And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
