woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
