That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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