this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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