So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
