Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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