I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
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my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm like, not good at living.
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