Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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