she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
