If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
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Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
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Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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