you traded sex for a burrito?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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