Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
