"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
My breath smells like gin and sadness
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
