I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
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then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
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At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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