She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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