did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
