he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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