Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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